Saturday, May 3, 2008

Happier Update

I may just be the worst blogger ever, especially since so many of you left such sweet comments on my last mournful post. And this is going to be a shortie post (yeah right) because I'm already late getting myself going today. But I wanted to let you all know that things are looking up. I was starting to feel better and stronger (okay, partly with fantasies that Absurdist Lover would regret not being with me big time) and enlisted even more help from my family and started looking at apartments. This was not the week that just passed, but the week before. Of course right as I began to be able to imagine going on and getting an apartment and going on the market again in the fall, Absurdist Lover called and said he wanted me back. The following weekend we got back together, somewhat provisionally, because he's got to work on some things that will make it possible for us to move forward. We'll see how it goes.

The SAT class that started so poorly is now over; most of my students are likely even done with the official SAT, today being their test date. I hope they do okay, though many of them, in typical student fashion, did not do their homework.

Here's a teaser for my next post, which I promise will come in the next few days: so I get insurance where they have one birth center in my area. Did I think to call first to make sure they were still a birth center? No. I called on Wednesday: they are not a birth center anymore -- they only do prenatal care and then birth at the hospital. Dear lord in heaven! Why do I not want to have my baby in a hospital if I can possibly help it? Why am I starting to go crazy when people look at me as if I'm nuts when most people are born and give birth in hospitals? What's wrong with a place for treating sick people when giving birth, the most natural thing in the world? Well, for me (and only for me -- I'm not trying to foist these ideas on anyone else -- hell, I've done drugs for fun --I totally get why someone would want to have an epidural for childbirth!), the whole midwife versus doctor and at home or birth center versus hospital thing is really important -- and it's totally getting under my skin since I have to justify myself every five seconds when people ask incredulously: don't you want a doctor? So expect a "medical model rant" soon.

In other news, I'm listening to Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle (my first payday I got paid by both the office and the SAT place, I finally retired Steve Martin's CD of Born Standing Up, which I still recommend, by the way) and if you've ever cared one whit about food and what's in it and where it comes from, consider going and reading/listening to it. It's frigging amazing.

Also, I'm seventeen weeks. I've been pregnant for just about ever and will go on being pregnant forever. It's hot. I need air conditioning. My carbon footprint is Big Foot sized, especially since i still live in the forest and am shlepping into the city. Also, in the morning, I can wear my pre-pregnancy jeans (though not pre-pregnancy tops since my boobs have inflated like hot-air balloons), but after I eat and by the end of the day, they are chronically unbuttoned, becoming the most uncomfortable clothes ever that basically have to be peeled off, seventies style when tight was all right. (Am I the only person who remembers that it was totally normal to lie on your bed to zip your Calvins or Jordache's up?) It's very odd. Because my nice clothes are bigger, since I've ballooned up and down between fat and almost slender (which is my version of hottie) in grad school, I can pretty much still wear those pants. When am I going to look pregnant?


k8 said...

I'm so glad to hear that you are doing better!

And, I do remember lying flat on my back on my bed to get my jeans zipped. That wasn't a healthy period.

As for looking pregnant, it might never be that apparent. When my mom was pregnant with my sister, some people who saw her the day before she gave birth didn't realize she was pregnant. She's tallish and apparently my sister settled in fairly vertical.

What Now? said...

Glad to hear that things are looking up these days.

Any chance it might be helpful to go ahead with the apartment plan as AL works through his stuff and you all work through being together? I'm just thinking about how very small you've said that trailer is! And sometimes a little space is helpful in navigating togetherness.

Are there more SAT courses on the horizon for this summer? And is the accounting gig still working out (I assume that's where the insurance is coming from?)?

Clearly I need more blog posts so that I feel well and truly caught up on how you're doing!

What Now? said...

Oh, and I meant to say that my students are wearing really tight jeans these days (although more of a late 70s British punk than an 80s American Calvins tightness), so maybe you're actually really fashionable and hip right now in your tight pants!

Jane D said...

I got all teary reading the last blog post, along with the wonderful replies! Everyone's already said it -- we all love and admire you. I'm so glad to hear things are better. (By the way, I too have had a reconciliation, but that's a longish story for another day.) Just want you to know I'm thinking of you. I entered four online baby/maternity clothes sweepstakes the other day, hoping to win gear for you. I'll let you know! :-) Let's talk soon.

AJ said...

It is so good to hear things are better for you. How awful I felt reading your previous post. You really inspire me and lots of others. We are rooting for you. Hang in!