Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Check-In with Reflections on What Is "Good Enough"

Good enough. There are lots of things I'm so behind on, it's not good, but I'm trying not to stress about it. Just because there's a giant pile doesn't mean I shouldn't take breaks and have a little me time. I'm doing my best, and that's it. If I overexert myself, I'll get sick and then what?

Last Week's Goals

GET ENOUGH SLEEP!! (sorry, but I'm really really dreadfully stupid about this one. I have some thing in me that wants to stay up and have me time, dammit, me me!): I did better. I discovered I really like sleep, but I forget every night until I hit the pillow.
-Eat decent food at regular intervals. Plan ahead. Tuesday sucked. Friday was better, but I still felt weak at the end of the day.
-Stop periodically. Check in. Take a breath. Take another breath. Yes. Doing as much as someone with ten minutes between two very different classes can. Now I know what the students sometimes have that lost look -- they've just suffered whiplash from one subject to another.
-Do pilates twice this week. No.
-Use the relative lull of the early part of this week to pump out that article! No, but I got it done today. There are all sorts of problems, like I totally didn't follow through on the word count we'd agreed on, which I know is an obnoxious academic problem, but. . .it's good enough. I'm so glad it's done. I have a ton else to do.
-15 minutes of writing a day is still writing: and I did that several days, though it was sometimes hard.
-Have a book at the ready for moments away: yes
-Chip away at service pile: there wasn't much chipping this week, though I did a couple things; the pile still remains, mostly
-Make sure to do the online class with Absurdist Child early in the week and watch Wednesday Nature program.: yes
-Be calm. Nothing is worth killing yourself over. This is my mantra. I really don't want to have any more serious health problems.

This Week's Goals

-Keep calm. Nothing's worth killing yourself over. Move like water.
-15 minutes of writing is still writing.
-Take magnesium supplement 2x a day and see if that makes me feel better.
-Be organized about food and eat and admit when I need a break.
-Be good enough about grading and prep.
-Read more, when possible.

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Check-In with Embellishments

Check-In on Last Week's Goals

-stop munching after 11pm: better, not great, but better
-engage in stress-relieving at home: somewhat -- am getting better
-prep and get syllabi to printing by end of the week: got everything to printing and up on Blackboard (to a seriously never-before seen standard) this afternoon.
-roll back sleep slowly until I'm waking up at 6am without undue pain: fits and starts here; I had a day of 5am insomnia and a single day I let myself sleep in until 8:30. Progress, not perfection.
-make some headway on the boxes in the home office: some, yes
-plant elderberry: yes
-make serious plan for the article that is due in two weeks and get major headway made: I made a plan but did not follow it when I realized that working on it was keeping me from focusing on syllabi
-get caught up, somehow, on overwhelming service responsibilities: uh, not really, got one thing scheduled but there's much more to do
-collect and assess Big Project work: no
-figure out Absurdist Child's birthday: yes, almost completely: I'm rockin'

We really rocked here.  We went to the place, scheduled it.  Yesterday we got the invitations and most of the rest of the stuff besides the cupcakes, and Absurdist Child went hogwild and wrote ALL the invitations before dinnertime.  I'm in awe.  Which is good because most of the time he's driving me batty with his toys we need to look up on the internet and his incessant habit of plowing into me physically which I cannot deal with because of this sciatica pain I'm having pretty much most of the time.  Absurdist Lover reminded me that I should go to the doctor.  Ugh.  I'll schedule that tomorrow.

Absurdist Lover is doing amazing things to the house.  Installing ceiling fans (I love ceiling fans so we really are going to have four ceiling fans in the five main rooms of the house!), cleaning things up, getting me to go through things.  Today was the day of hanging things up in Absurdist Child's bedroom.  I also made dinner and then cookies this evening after I was done prepping.  I'm worried about how I'm going to balance all this.  

Analysis
-The thing that sometimes motivates me to get something done is the stress I feel thinking about it and not doing it. This stress also drains my energy. Modulating emotions and getting things done without really worrying about it is really important.
-I got lots done in some ways, but it was a transition week really. Now it begins.

Habits? I feel like I'm always trying to press forward with a new habit, something I should give up or do. Making habits is exhausting. It takes a lot of energy, all that rushing forward with your shoulders squared to move through anything. Instead I'm trying to move like water. The only way to make it to December is to see a wall, go around. And lots of healthy supports too. That's the habit I'm trying to cultivate -- the habit of doing healthy things, whether it's exercise, or having a tea, or taking a bath. I am hoping to keep myself proactive and stress-relieving as I'm having really painful and annoying sciatica and I'm going to have a very challenging quarter.

This Week's Goals
-GET ENOUGH SLEEP!! (sorry, but I'm really really dreadfully stupid about this one. I have some thing in me that wants to stay up and have me time, dammit, me me!)
-Eat decent food at regular intervals. Plan ahead.
-Stop periodically. Check in. Take a breath. Take another breath.
-Do pilates twice this week.
-Use the relative lull of the early part of this week to pump out that article!
-15 minutes of writing a day is still writing
-Have a book at the ready for moments away
-Chip away at service pile
-Make sure to do the online class with Absurdist Child early in the week and watch Wednesday Nature program.
-Be calm. Nothing is worth killing yourself over.

It begins.  Tomorrow.  The meetings and the BS and the drama, and I will get subsumed in all of it because I really do care about it all and it really does matter because the education of students -- all students -- matters.  But I also need to remember that it doesn't help anything to be anything but be as calm and peaceful as possible. 

Ha!  I'm sort of a troublemaker, so we'll see if I can make that work.  Before tenure, I had limited opportunity for really putting my foot in my mouth.  Now, I have much more expanded opportunity.  I'll try to be calm -- as often as I can remember.

I'm jumping off the edge of not-teaching back into teaching life. . .   Luckily, all of you are there too.