Monday, November 30, 2009

The Times, They Have A-Changed

Who wouldn't want an even longer Thanksgiving vacation? Me, that's who.

Back in my grad school days it was totally conceivable (though pretty unlikely) that I would have cancelled class (though not on the day after we got back from a break) because I wasn't done grading a set of projects. Now, bright and early on a Monday morning, all my projects are graded except one, which I could easily grade at lunch, and I'm awake and alive before the sun's come up. But Absurdist Lover is really sick and obviously unable to take care of Absurdist Tot, who got his first real cold over Thanksgiving break and is a real handful. So here I am, awake, alive, feeling moderately okay, all done grading and ready to teach -- and I'm needed to stay home.

Though I've been dragging my butt this whole quarter and have started counting the days until it's all over, this morning as I was contemplating what's best for the family (in the dark, listening to AL hack and cough), I realized I actually want to go to work, am eager to get my students on track to finish everything up, could do with getting out of the house and being an academic after days of staying in and sharing care of a runny-nosed grumpy AT. But I'm staying home.

I wish I didn't feel like I were falling down on the job, but I keep reminding myself that many academic moms cancel class and stay home when their childcare falls through when their kids are sick. (Of course, my situation is a bit different, since AL is the one who is really sick, but it's close enough. And don't think I don't sympathize with AL, because he's super grumpy-sick, but man, he's grumpy! He must feel really awful.) And cancelling class today makes us behind a day, which means I have to change dates and stuff and I haven't figured out exactly how I'm going to do that yet. This isn't one of those days where I could bring in a sub or tell students to do the day's activities without me. Sigh. I guess this is what academic motherhood is all about.

I've been reflecting a lot lately on the job and how Absurdist Lover and motherhood has changed me. I hope to blog about these soon, though I'm not sure today is the day.


Ianqui said...

For what it's worth, I totally commiserate about wanting to go back to work after 4-5 days of baby wrangling. It's been a while since I've been in charge of Yo for that long, and today I'm really enjoying being in my office (I don't mean to rub it in though!)

Earnest English said...

Ianqui, you're not rubbing it in. It's great to be reminded that it's not just me. Motherhood seems to come with so much guilt -- guilt for using disposable diapers, guilt for getting frustrated with the baby, guilt for wanting to be at work, guilt at work for wanting to spend as much time as possible at home, guilt for wanting time on my own rather than spending it with AL. I know the answer is to give up on guilt -- but how???

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