I'm exhausted. 3 weeks of maternity leave is not enough. Dear reader, don't ever do this. Especially don't do this when you're recovering from a c-section. I feel okay from the c-section, if a bit alienated from my body since there is a whole area that is still numbish. But with the baby, I have no time to get anything done -- and though I have to work because the money (and still I have no idea where next month's rent is going to come from), I have to say I really do resent anything standing in the way of me being there for the baby. For sure, I don't feel like I'm doing anything well -- not the two classes I'm teaching, not the books I'm supposed to be keeping for the office, not the job market, not being a good mom. There's so much on the mom front that I want to talk about -- but since this is the first time in weeks I've even been able to steal away from all the other stuff, this is the best I can do. I'm learning to say "sorry, this is the best I can do" a lot.
Absurdist Baby eats all the time. All the time. He's getting these super-fat cheeks.
I've found that having a baby has refocused me. My priorities have shifted, though sometimes it takes me being at wit's end to remember that AB is more important than anything -- and I have to just let other things -- application deadlines, for example -- go.
I know I haven't bought anything for myself in a long time. But I can't imagine what I would get for myself. All I want is to know that my little family will not end up on the street. I'd like to be able to provide a roof over our heads. Pay my bills. Take Mr. Tabby to the vet. I hope Santa and all of heaven's angels are listening.