Long ago, when I was in grad school and working on my dissertation, I used to waste a lot of time. I thought of myself, essentially, as lazy. I still think of myself as lazy, though I now recognize that this is a habit that doesn't have anything to do with reality. Nowadays I don't waste a lot of time. I still have trouble with transition points, but this quarter I've just pushed myself to go from one thing to another. Still there are times I just can't push myself forward, and I recognize that these are times when pushing myself means getting sick. Today, I recognize I desperately need time off and totally deserve time off and totally will not be getting any time off, and this makes me really really
Now, of course, I am playing the victim a bit -- and I need to learn to say no and let things get done poorly or not at all by others. If I don't learn to say no then I'll be the one doing things poorly or not at all (unusual for me -- but getting things done poorly in order to get them done? check!). But I can't say yes from now on because I'm going to get ill and stay ill and it's not worth it.
I have some plans to talk about all this with my chair, but none of that will address this pile in front of me. I have to remember what a joy it is to read student work. And I don't have to grade the writing of anything I'm reading, which is also a joy. But I do have to do it. And I still feel like shit. But I am NOT staying up late to get this shit done. So I better get started.
This helped, sort of.