So after a very stressful week with a heart-pounding event I did manage to live through, I ended up having a lovely weekend. We decided that Saturday would be our celebration day because Sunday I just had to devote to grading (because I am so behind because I am sick and unable to do as much as I normally do, a slower grader than usual, and had to devote most of my attention to aforementioned heart-pounding event). Things felt really awful and claustrophobic there for a while, but then yesterday I focused on getting enough sleep, gardening, going out to a scrumptious meal we then got eat for leftovers tonight, and watched a much-beloved movie about sticking it to the man.
Even grading today and fighting my own tendency to think about the truly awful things going on in my department, I managed to have a good day. Last week, you understand, every day I came home I felt completely terrible and worn out. I've been wondering if teaching isn't just too stressful -- too full of adrenal surges -- for me. And then, I find it almost impossible to teach and then grade. I just don't know how people do it. I need a day of no teaching to grade, and this quarter, I teach four days a week. I refuse to work every day, so that's one day down. (I need that. If I hadn't taken yesterday 100% off to the point of not checking email, I wouldn't be okay today, I'm sure. I need to completely re-center. I wish I could be more centered during the week though!)
Anyway, I feel more centered in my own life. I think this was helped, ironically, by our cat going missing for a day and a half. We were all worried, and worrying that I was going to find his remains at the intersection down the road helped put things in perspective. (He's back. He's fine.) I wish I didn't think of my hellish department, with the Devil Chair and his Puppet Master, and the arguments I have to make very soon in order to get what I deserve right when I wake up. That would be nice. I hate the whole free rent in my head thing. Forget it.