This will be the thing that outs me. I just know it. I'm sure I'm already infamous in my town. They've probably taken pictures of my shame and are planning a photo spread in the local paper. If news of my shame is far and wide, I'll be taking down this post -- so get it while you can.
So remember last night I was so happy about cleaning my kitchen? Well, it still is pretty awesome. In fact, if it were a person, it would be a hotty with messed-up hair (I still have to do the sink). But how it got that way was by my finally taking out my recycling. There were tons of bags. It was very windy, so I did my best to tie off the bags and took them out front.
Yes, you guessed it. The empty wine bottles -- they didn't go anywhere. So my reputation as a total boozer is intact. But the bags of cat food cans. Oh.dear.lord. There were cans in the street smashed down flat from passing cars, in the gutter, across the street, in the neighbor's yard, in my neighbor's neighbor's yard -- I even found them almost a block away. I don't even know what happened to the bags of plastics. They probably hitched a ride on that damn wind and are all the way out west by now, looking for work in Hollywood.
I was running late so I picked up about a kitchen bag's worth from all over. Just now, freshly back from trying to work at a coffeehouse with my new and improved laptop (thank you fabulous Computer Store Guy: I love you), I went and picked up more. I think it's now okay out there. But today I'm sure I single-handedly brought down all the real estate prices. I know I should apologize to everyone within a couple blocks. I'm sure people were picking up cans out of their bushes all morning before I got there. Sigh.
The clincher: It wasn't even recycling day.
You knew I was an idiot, right? Well, now the whole town knows.