Friday, June 1, 2007

And June Brings Whines

Since it's June, I should watch Junebug, a great quirky movie I bought a while ago but haven't watched.

Other than that, I have nothing good to say. I had to wake up dreadfully early to take Mr. Tabby to the vet. Then I paid my rent. Then I thought that since I really should get back to the dissertation that clearly I deserved a coffee. Then I got gas, and my car started acting weird. Then I came home. Besides writing Peppy Advisor an email about firming up the defense date, I haven't done anything on the dissertation, despite drinking the whole coffee and now feeling like a bag of latte.

Maybe I'm just tired, but basically I hate everything and everyone. I hate the dissertation. Why bother trying to make it better? What good will it do? Yes, it will satisfy my readers and get me the hell out of here. I accept that. But I mean other than that? Unless someone was thinking of nominating it for an award or something (who am I kidding? I'm not the one who gets the awards around here. I'm not even in the preferred field), I'm really tempted to do the rock-bottom minimum and turn my attention to things that will get me something -- like publications. It's not like I can list on my CV "good" dissertation or something. I just have other things to do. For example, I really want to go through my tapes and watch/label them as I go through papers. (Another way of saying this is I want to watch my favorite BBC comedies.)

Let me put all this another way: I don't wanna. I don't wanna read the careful and meticulous comments of my readers who have marked every page with some margin comment. I just want to be done. I just want to be done. Which is what will eventually make me look at that stack of comments. But first, I think I'm such a whiny bitch I better go take a nap. This is the tired crying of a tired baby.

I'm so tired from weird fitful dreams and waking up so early that nothing seems worthwhile. It seems ridiculous to take a nap in the morning, but I think I'd better. Of course, this deep funk may be the result of having to go back into the mire of the dissertation. I don't know. Maybe I'm just exhausted but I hate comments and revision and anything that makes me go back into that 170-page tome the writing of which made me crazy. I mean, come on? Am I really going to be able to diet and revise that bugger at the same time? Maybe I should give up having given up smoking. I won't smell good. But who cares? I never see anyone anyway. Except for errands which have included going to school, I haven't seen anyone since SO left. What I mean is that I haven't gone out of the house to work or to see the few friends I have left in this town. I'm clearly going nuts from surrounding myself with my self. (I'm just crazy enough that this makes sense to me.) This must change; it just isn't healthy. I must call Similarly Self-Reflective Fabulous Friend and see what's up.

4 comments:

medieval woman said...

Hello! I'm back from vacation and wanted to stop by and say hi! Junebug is a great movie!

Sisyphus said...

Like they keep telling me, the only good dissertation is a done dissertation. Set a timer and start fixin'. When it goes off, move on. Take a walk around the block to get some air and move on to the next thing on your list.

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...I should point out, in the interest of fairness and self-disclosure, that I only give advice that I myself cannot take. Have fun!

adjunct whore said...

what, are you trying to make me feel bad or something??? ok, so my so-called good dissertation will likely get me nothing. but you know it's all i have right now, boo hoo.

and once i stop feeling bad for myself, i would say yes, focus on articles and yes, finish the damn thing and don't worry too much. just do what your readers ask you to do and move right on out th' do.

Earnest English said...

MW, So glad you're back!

Sis: I'm with you. Done is better than good.

AW: Hey, actually it was thinking about you that made me think maybe I should fix up my diss and try to get an award. YOU were the one who got the best diss award from your dept. And that goes right on your CV. That WILL help you. That award will be on your CV for a long time. But I think you're right. Forget an award. I need to get out the door!