And June Brings Whines

Since it's June, I should watch Junebug, a great quirky movie I bought a while ago but haven't watched.

Other than that, I have nothing good to say. I had to wake up dreadfully early to take Mr. Tabby to the vet. Then I paid my rent. Then I thought that since I really should get back to the dissertation that clearly I deserved a coffee. Then I got gas, and my car started acting weird. Then I came home. Besides writing Peppy Advisor an email about firming up the defense date, I haven't done anything on the dissertation, despite drinking the whole coffee and now feeling like a bag of latte.

Maybe I'm just tired, but basically I hate everything and everyone. I hate the dissertation. Why bother trying to make it better? What good will it do? Yes, it will satisfy my readers and get me the hell out of here. I accept that. But I mean other than that? Unless someone was thinking of nominating it for an award or something (who am I kidding? I'm not the one who gets the awards around here. I'm not even in the preferred field), I'm really tempted to do the rock-bottom minimum and turn my attention to things that will get me something -- like publications. It's not like I can list on my CV "good" dissertation or something. I just have other things to do. For example, I really want to go through my tapes and watch/label them as I go through papers. (Another way of saying this is I want to watch my favorite BBC comedies.)

Let me put all this another way: I don't wanna. I don't wanna read the careful and meticulous comments of my readers who have marked every page with some margin comment. I just want to be done. I just want to be done. Which is what will eventually make me look at that stack of comments. But first, I think I'm such a whiny bitch I better go take a nap. This is the tired crying of a tired baby.

I'm so tired from weird fitful dreams and waking up so early that nothing seems worthwhile. It seems ridiculous to take a nap in the morning, but I think I'd better. Of course, this deep funk may be the result of having to go back into the mire of the dissertation. I don't know. Maybe I'm just exhausted but I hate comments and revision and anything that makes me go back into that 170-page tome the writing of which made me crazy. I mean, come on? Am I really going to be able to diet and revise that bugger at the same time? Maybe I should give up having given up smoking. I won't smell good. But who cares? I never see anyone anyway. Except for errands which have included going to school, I haven't seen anyone since SO left. What I mean is that I haven't gone out of the house to work or to see the few friends I have left in this town. I'm clearly going nuts from surrounding myself with my self. (I'm just crazy enough that this makes sense to me.) This must change; it just isn't healthy. I must call Similarly Self-Reflective Fabulous Friend and see what's up.