Through Sick and Syllabus

This morning I woke up with a terrible headache, one that left me feeling nauseated. But since Tot has been sick, this is the only day I have daycare, so I somehow managed to get him up and out and to daycare. I've also managed to clean up the patio -- after days and days of a heat wave, the sky darkened over and burst out a rainstorm yesterday afternoon, knocking the chairs and small plants over. I've also managed to do the dishes. I ate a donut and had my corporate coffee. Now here I sit.

I start teaching on Monday. It's usually good to be prepared with things like syllabi and any initial readings. I know that. I need to work today in order to get these vital things done, especially so I don't have to be away from the family this weekend too much to get it done. That's what daycare is for. But I feel terrible. Just terrible. The headache's mostly gone. But I just want to fall over and sleep. I also want, inspired by her Royal Cogness that starting a project from a dead stop is bad, to work on the article that is due in three weeks. I also want to work on my annual review report that is due in less than a week. My brain has great plans. But I just feel terrible and haven't been quite able to get myself started. Really, I think sleep is such a wonderful elusive activity. Oh goodness, I'm tired. I'm sick. I'm a wee bit whiney. I just want to watch movies all day. Crochet. Sleep.

Of course, if I don't get these syllabi and plans ready then I'm going to have to steal from family time. I don't want to do that either. Sigh.

It doesn't help anything that I'm teaching a new course. Well, let's face it: most of the syllabus is policies and that sort of stuff. I can do that, right?

Rainy Sunday. . .Now with Chocolate!

So things have continued along the crazy path, hence my lack of blogging. On the days I'm on campus, I run frantically from one thing to another. On the good days, I'm pretty clear-headed about what I need to do next. On the bad days, my brain is like six people trying to get through a door at once. On the days I'm at home, things are considerably more mellow, but of course I still have to get work things done around taking care of the Tot, so it can be stressful to try to steal moments to respond to papers and email and read for class.

I really shouldn't blog about this, I suppose, but (oh! how I want to) it's amazing to me how much people can just not know about effective teaching and teacher development. Active learning just hasn't occurred to these people. Apparently they think the way to get people to make things their own is to just yammer at them. Dear lord! I mean, I realize that most people with PhDs haven't gotten them by studying pedagogy, but I don't think it should require specialized study to figure out that you don't inspire people to make changes in their work and take up the baton by just talking at them for a number of hours. Makes me wonder about their own teaching. Okay, enough said.

So I woke up this morning just completely not wanting to do anything. Taking care of Tot is fine, but I didn't want to work. I was just grumpy and grumbly, especially about tomorrow being a work day. (Tot keeps up waking up in the middle of the night and wanting to nurse, which does nothing good to my ability to sleep.) Absurdist Lover had to go out on a shopping expedition, so when he came back he showed me a lovely chocolate bar that I can eat while working, then a DVD of Tombstone he bought to inspire me to get done quickly. I know. I have the most wonderful man in the world. But here I am in the other room and what happened to that chocolate bar? (Ooh, he just stopped in to tell me he was taking the Tot to go change the laundry -- and he's getting me the chocolate bar!) It's official. I am the luckiest woman in the world. But now that I've shared with him that I've been blogging, I really better get to those response papers. Absurdist Lover, Tot, and Val Kilmer are waiting. It's a hard life, but it's also very very good.

First Step

There have been all sorts of things going on -- I got some needed work done today, AT has started crying when we leave him at daycare (and I'm trying to figure out whether that's significant or it just goes with the clingy phase he's in at the moment), it turns out we can't stay with my folks for my sister's wedding which has brought up a bunch of anger and resentment in me, but underneath all of that is just plain feeling hurt for not being seen or understood by my family as well as epiphanies about the uses of anger in my life -- but after a very work-focused day, I just want to share the cool thing that is coming up, the thing that has Absurdist Lover and me really excited: we joined a CSA! Instead of paying for our weekly share of the harvest, I'll be working at the farm! We're so excited to be connecting with people in this way, since we have no sense of community here. (It seems that very few faculty members at my university are my age or have lives like mine. Other than that, it can be hard to meet people. I've poked around a little for playgroups, but the one close by us here is for stay-at-home moms, which is obviously not me. And I'm not a very good joiner anyway.) The CSA share people will have get-togethers -- and of course the workers too. We're very curious about the other people who have invested in this organic farm! We'll find people like us, maybe! I'll have my hands in the dirt one day a week. I'll learn how to be a better gardener. I'll get some much needed exercise and take in big breaths of good clean air. AL is a huge Star Wars (the originals, thank you very much) fan so he often quotes "you've taken your first step into a larger world" but this time I think it's true.

Have I mentioned recently that when I took one of the tests on one's various interests back in high school career guidance, my top field was not writing or art (like I wanted), but agriculture? Maybe I'll catch up with a different self in those fields. Maybe I'll find out how hard it is to work for one's food. I'm excited!

Jobness!

All right, all right, so I haven't exactly been doing research this week. I did, however, finish grading that set of essays. I still have one more set, but because of the Week of Busy Weirdness, I haven't even started. Because the Week of Busy Weirdness is over, I don't even care that I haven't started these essays. I had the kind of week where we did lots of good important things, but so many of them were emotional and conflicted and hard that I definitely feel I'm going to be processing them for a while. (For example, yesterday I went to a funeral.)

One of them, probably the least conflicted of all, was that I got the contract for my job! Yes! One of those mystical animals that are rarely seen: the tenure-track position. I'm sorry I didn't tell y'all sooner, but it wasn't real to me -- which means I could've jinxed it by publicizing it -- until I got the contract. (Which is why I was blogging and then basically dropped out of sight. At first, I was freaking out everyday and had nothing new to say. Then I got the offer, but it took ages until I got the contract and so was paranoid.) I will be fully employed soon! It's a good position for me, I think, because of the mission of the department, though it's not the kind of university I saw myself at. (Of course, two schools that were totally the kind of places I thought I'd be best at contacted me after I accepted the offer. Grrr. Well, if they had gotten their butts in gear sooner. . . .) While not all of the faculty have books or anything, I do think that research is very important there, so I'll be trying to pursue a pretty aggressive research agenda -- which is crazy because I don't even have a firm idea of what to do next and how to think about my research agenda beyond turning my dissertation into articles. If anyone has a good way of thinking about building a research agenda (I mean of course I have a rough one, but I could always use the extra help), please please please let me know. Boice and others don't seem to talk about the project of building a coherent research agenda! I guess we assume that everyone wants to do their research enough that it's merely about following one's interests. For me, the problem is I"m interested in so many different things that I wonder what is smartest for me to do first and how to balance long-term and short-term projects so that I have enough scholarship for tenure. Anyway, the university is in a totally different part of the country, so we're packing ourselves up and moving the second my semester is done here, which is early June.

We're ecstatic to be leaving Urban Home City, which really feels to me a lot of the time like a dying city. Cross your fingers we'll be able to find a place that has a lot of land for my gardening obsession.

Shortie Post on the International Day of Absurdist Lover

So of course I'm going to write a shortish post for now when I could've written a longer post a few days ago, but I was. . .you guessed it -- too tired. But here are the things I promise to write about soon: my visit to the midwife on Wednesday and my interview with Community College on Tuesday. Here's a preview: both went really well. The midwife took the most complete medical history of me ever taken -- and she had some new ideas for some old problems (g-i tract problems, blood sugar troubles) that were really interesting. When I was sitting and talking with her, I thought that I may want to go to her even when the baby is done and out. She's the teensiest bit alarmist, advocating no alcohol, but I think it's not that it is bad per se, but that we want to maximize our chances of a happy and easy birth center birth rather than having to be carted off to the hospital where the attitude in this town is that Caesareans are easier and more efficient.

The interview at Community College went so well that I'm pretty sure I'll have some teaching for the fall. I know it sounds insane, but I said I'd need two weeks out for the birth -- now I know this sounds ridiculous to many, but remember that it's not a full-time gig or anything -- I won't teach more than two classes -- and I may well be able to teach and everything pretty soon after the birth. All the chair said was that if I need more time to keep them informed. So if anything goes wrong (knock on wood that Absurdist Baby and I have an easy birth and that AB is healthy and happy) or I'm exhausted or whatever, then I'll take more time. (I mean, I'm sure I'll be exhausted. On the other hand, we really need the money and I'd rather teach at CC than the SAT Company, just because I'd rather teach in my field than the SAT! Not to mention that I'd rather know I'm getting paid for four months rather than six weeks.)

But today is Absurdist Lover's birthday! And since I just got paid for all the crazy work I've been doing at SAT Co (with no more to come because my class next week was cancelled and now I just have a short writing class in another summer program -- yippee!), we have some money! AL, who had boringly said all week that "it's just another day," wants me to get to work so I can get home and we can have some fun! YAY! So I'll post this weekend about the midwife, the complete sugar fast I'm on and how much it sucks (which tells me how incredibly toxic I am, because at my most gorgeous and healthy, I didn't eat sugar or dairy), and Community College coolness. And I hope I'll also get some work done on this huge cross-stitch project I have for Absurdist Baby, which at the rate I'm going I might just be able to get done before he goes off to college.

The Don't Look Back Program

Okay, so the title is melodramatic, borrowed from the only movie that really makes sense to me at this moment, Something's Gotta Give. OPL came and left again. I don't know what's going on. Neither does he. I don't feel like I can answer any questions. All the answers are maybes. I just don't know. I'm pretty devastated, but I've also decided to remember one of my favorite quotes: Writing is like loving. You think that the real boon is the publishing, when actually it's the writing just like you think that real boon is being loved, when it is actually loving. I'm a big fool, I guess. I've decided to keep on loving. (It's better than being hate-filled, I guess, though perhaps hate is more entertaining.) But I also have mucho to do and that is where you blogoversians come in. I have three weeks to get things done. Big projects: moving, teaching prep, writing/publishing. I figure I'll do a little bit of teaching prep and writing/publishing in the morning to early afternoon, then pack, pack, pack in the afternoons. Maybe some exercise in the evening. A wee drinkie or three after that. Look at that! It's a whole life. And I'll be blogging the misery for you, folks! Don't you worry!

Mr. Tabby is not looking good. I'm taking him to the Fabulous Vet Doctor tomorrow. Oh and by the way, I turned my dissertation in. I actually ordered my academic regalia (yes, totally late so now I'll be hooded in a rental -- whatever). Life is moving forward, sort of.

Do you love taking tests to learn more about yourself?

Obviously! I love the intelligences test, which I've never taken before but which I've heard a lot about since my mother teaches K-12, where I guess they pay more attention to the varying abilities of students (perhaps though, now, with No Child Left Behind, pay it lip service) than in the academy.



Though getting into Myers-Briggs helps me understand why some freshman comp students (especially) seem to demand step-by-step instructions. Writing isn't a paint-by-numbers kit! If only! Ahh, I can tell I'll be in the classroom in six weeks. I'm totally not packed or ready or have made a syllabus (though Adventure U's program is quite structured, so the unfolding of my classes will be structurally the same as other people's teaching the same class -- this actually makes me more nervous, makes me think I need more prep rather than less). I'm not even done with the Works Cited of my dissertation, nor some typos that Peppy Advisor is going to tell me about today. ACK! Less than a month! I can't think about it. I was once so excited about it; now I don't want to go at all because OPL can't come with me. So we'll be the kind of long distance that means that weekend getaways are totally impossible. I'll be lucky to see him every couple months. And even that's expensive! Gah!

You can see that all of these things are so close together in my head that I can barely think about one without thinking about the other. So today's plan to not go insane includes the following:

• Therapeutic yoga. (Probably only fifteen minutes.)
• Therapeutic sushi-eating with Angry Young Colleague and Ex-Writing Partner (yes, one person, though he might bring his not-so-wee bairn).
• Working on Works Cited and typos.
• Doing dishes, eventually, so that OPL is fooled into thinking that I can actually keep my own nest clean.
• Begging Fabulous Friend to go and do something silly with me, which may include coloring in coloring books (go ahead and laugh: you're just jealous I have such fabulous coloring books), painting, roller skating, or some other thing FF's cooked up in her head that I haven't even thought of yet! I wonder if the Children's Museum would paint my face, since I've gone off makeup entirely.
  

I should look at some of the materials that Adventure U sent me about my classes. I should do a lot of things. I went and bought file boxes yesterday. Doesn't that count for something???

Anyway, to get back to the point of this blogpost before all this anxiety shoved and elbowed its way to the fore, is that it's very odd and interesting to me that Naturalist came up so high. I haven't gone camping in ages and didn't like it when I went last. (In all fairness, though, I went with the most depressed man who had just broken up with his long-time girlfriend. And I hadn't yet figured out my health concerns so that camping could be easy. I'm better now. That was over ten years ago. Camping is probably like yams: I hated them for years, then suddenly tried them, as I am wont to do just to make sure things haven't changed, and then I went crazy, unable to get enough of yams.) But here's a crazy thing: when I was in high school, I had to take those assessment things of your interests. I so wanted those things to say that I should go into writing. I was looking for any little encouragement, especially since I got kicked out of Honor's English (I know, I know -- do you know how hard it is to write a really effective essay on why Hamlet really did love Ophelia when you're in tenth grade?). Guess what my top was? Agriculture! What am I doing in English? (The next two, which were about equal, were clerical and the arts.) I do love plants and cottage gardens and have long dreamt about planting one of those wonderful front gardens that are really fruits and vegetables organized to look pretty? Can I just ask why it is that I'm going to Adventure U, where I'm not going to be able to plant the roots (French Kiss, I know, I know: I don't have an original thought in my head) I so long for? OY! Yogatime!

The Woof I'm Tired Song

So I think I've been letting this blog become all about my trials and tribulations with OPL lately. I know y'all need an update, so here it is, but then I think we need to get back to our regularly-scheduled program: academic absurdity! So in the past couple days, I got into a much better headspace. We had had a phone conversation where I felt like I said some really strong things -- and I just got to this place where I felt good about knowing that I'm strong enough to make the leap when I see the unknown beckoning. I can take leaps of faith. Whether OPL can, I thought, has nothing to do with my worthiness, and I should enjoy my own conviction and feeling that I'm in line with the universe. Now it turns out that he's coming out to Grad City and will be here this weekend!! (Am I the only one here who feels kind of weird about talking about their romantic life on their blog? I just feel like OPL should have some say in how's he represented here. I think I'm going to make a line between what's me expressing what's going on with me and what is going on for him.)

Now while this makes me want to clean my entire apartment pronto (except that woof! I'm tired), it really doesn't mean any immediate (I mean today) change in my life. Because yesterday, I was a busy little bee: I worked for five hours on editing a fascinating dissertation, did my laundry and changed the sheets and towels, dealt with some long-overdue money stuff, finally got my mail because I lost my mailbox key again and had to hang my head and ask my management company for a new one, sorted a good deal of mail, and swept the house. Is that all I did? It felt like so much more. Also, I watched the most romantic movie of all time: Possession, which I think reminds all English majors why we got into this profession (not for the glory of the discovery, but for the sheer romance of it all: please discuss) and also combines a smart modern mystery/love story in the much under-movied academy with a torrid period piece romance. What's not to love!

So the big event of the day is that I need to finish editing this fascinating (not mine) dissertation. I am becoming a whiz (slowly) at APA. Then, gulp, I have to figure out all the formatting for the page numbering, which I think means sections and stuff that I have no idea how to do. The good news is that once I figure it out for her dissertation, my own dissertation, I hope, will be a breeze. But can I just say: MLA is ridiculous enough, but to try to get used to another style guide enough so that I can look at a citation and see if it's wrong is very challenging. What about the way they don't capitalize their book titles? I got through the dissertation last night, but then only got to the Es in the "References" (not "Works Cited").

Here's my hopeful and therefore probably totally unrealistic to-do list for the day:

• Get past the Es all the way down to the last Zed on this dissertation.

• Conquer Word and figure out how to format dissertations into sections so that all our weird absurdist formatting will all come out okay.
  
• Get through my own Chapter 4 editing, which has been languishing because this other dissertation is so fascinating.
• Read and take notes on Review Book for at least at minimum 1 hour!!!
• Start brainstorming notes for follow-up interviews so that I can get them through IRB before I leave (ha ha).
  
• Oh, and at some point, take shower and stop being such a sloth. Which means store-bought coffee!

You will notice that there is no cleaning in this list. Already the list is so long that I want to go back to sleep (because woof I'm tired), but really I should be going through these stacks of papers and books and notebooks and deciding what's going into storage and what's going with me and what's going to the recycle bin. Oy. I should get my butt into the shower, but let's face it: I have many blogs to catch up on before I shower. (Blogs to read before I wake, blogs to read before I wake.)

***Update 5:15pm***

Okay, I was derailed from really getting some good blogreading done by important phone calls. But now I'm totally tired, haven't really eaten anything, and really should run out to pay a bill and the only thing I've accomplished is that I finished editing that dissertation. I did manage to conquer Word, but I'm so bleary-eyed I probably won't even remember what I did when it comes to working on my own. Thank goodness I put showering and getting coffee on my to-do list so it does end up that I've done exactly half of my to-do list. I think I'm going to dash off that bill, get some food (too lazy to go to the store), and come back and put my feet up, which is not what I should be doing, but -- well, it's naptime, isn't it? Siesta anyone?

***Update 11:30pm***

Okay, I've now managed to get through Chapter 4. And I see why it is that I'm really getting quite grumpy. I've been trying to work on my Works Cited and it wasn't even on my list of things to do today. Surely, I should've read some of the Review Book or worked on the IRB stuff. OY! And now I'm too tired and too grumpy to do anything. But this is way before my usual recent bedtime of 2am. Should I see if I can finally focus on a book? Should I watch another movie? Should I just lay my head down to sleep? You know when I have to blog the indecision, I'm in real trouble. I hope tomorrow will be better. I have to remember to go to campus and the DMV. And get up early in the morning because they're turning off the water during the time I would usually finally drag myself to the shower. Oh I can't stand it. How is it that I'm supposed to hold this all in my head. I'm truly grumpy now. Good night all.

Work as Solace: Discuss

Okay, I realize that this is going to sound totally nuts, given how prone I am to complaining about academic work. (I'd probably complain about any kind of work. If I worked at an ice cream store, I'd probably complain that it makes my hands sticky.) But here's something I've been thinking about since all the OPL drama: work is also a solace. While it does happen that sometimes in writing nothing seems to go right, that one's argument crumbles in one's hands, at least it's in our hands. I've noticed while waiting to see what turn my life is going to take that when I get back to doing some edits on the dissertation (I have to take out all the commas that I usually put in, as in DorkusEnglish, 412 -- gahhh! how did I ever start that???), it's a pain (naturally) but also a kind of relief. Here's a world I understand. I can look up something in MLA and get an answer (usually) and format my citation correctly. I can think my way through an intellectual or pedagogical problem in a way that I can't think my way through in my life. Let's face it: one cannot think one's way through life, one must live it. Aye, there's the rub. But one can think one's way through some intellectual problems. And the engagement and excitement of tangling with an idea or concept that is totally involving belongs only to you (which makes us isolated sometimes, but also makes us independent from well, dependence on others for access to our mojo). Peppy Advisor and I sometimes talk about this -- how at least when we enter the English building we enter a world where we have some small amount of control (which we cling to in contrast to the total lack of control of the rest of our lives) and we know the rules and we have to leave some of the whirlwind heartache of our lives behind.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, relieved that sometimes I can cut through the OPL panic and worry haze and get some work done (yay! something I know how to do! since I don't know how to wait, be patient, trust). All this to say, my work life is a solace while I wait, wait, wait to find out whether the man I'm in love with will take a leap toward crazy magical happiness and choose me. In short, my life sucks. And that's all there is folks. Hence, only intermittent blogging. If you find yourself coming over to Absurdist Paradise and there is nothing new laid out for your consumption, it's probably because the lady of the house has wasted herself on tears and prayer -- and has no lively quips or sarcasm canapes to offer. It's all earnest hope over here folks. Not very entertaining. Wish me luck, blogfriends.

Defended!

So I defended yesterday. I'm a doctah! Dr. English!

So the defense went very smoothly and was actually a pretty good and enjoyable conversation about my work. I didn't have answers for all the different things they brought up -- and there was even some amount of cross-discussion between two members of my committee about decisions and ideas -- which was weird because I didn't have an answer for the different options they were discussing. So there'll be a lot to think about as I go forward to Adventure U and my countless other adventures.

How's this for an absurdist life? So I defend, I'm a doctah and all that, and I come home to find my internet shut off by a company that thinks -- jeez -- that I should like pay for their service. Ridiculous! And money is so tight I can't call them to turn it back on. In fact, I can't even pay for my own dinner and a movie and a nightcap when I went out with Similarly Self-Reflective and Fabulous Friend! OY! Only in my life would higher education's accolades bring such instant poverty. But oh well.

So I only need to finish up some details on my dissertation and then jump through all the paperwork hoops to file it. I worked on some of those details this morning. Now I'm in the library (hence my connectedness to the blogosphere) and need to find a book to quickly reference in my intro. Of course, really, I'm going to spend some time catching up on some blogs, which is at least as important.

I have some editing jobs to do this weekend, thank goodness, which might keep from totally stewing about the fact that OPL is going to arrive back at -- oh I can't even write about it. Suffice it to say, I'm having a hard time. I hope he'll be back with me late next week, but I'm not holding my breath. It's very hard for such a determined pessimist to not overdo -- instead of preparing for the worst, I'm liable to expect and even goad the worst into being. Beat him to the punch. Must.stay.positive. My new mantra. In any case, I should be able to get some things done in the near future. Here are some of the things I think need to be done pretty immediately: some in-preparation-for-packing weeding out of papers, books, clothes, junk; some marathon movie-watching sessions; relaxing baths; relaxing yoga; reading of Review Book; editing jobs; more movie-watching with cross-stitch. In fact, movie-watching with cross-stitch sounds the best right now. I figure I'll watch Sense and Sensibility a few hundred times. There, Elinor's waiting was rewarded by her man on one knee. Sigh. Of course, Emma Thompson, that real rascal, married Greg Wise, who played Willoughby, who must not be such a rascal if someone so smart snapped him up. Also, I think a viewing of Stranger than Fiction is in order. Maybe I can figure out whether my own story is a comedy (ending in a wedding) or a tragedy (we all know where that leads). As they say in Grand Canyon, my fave movie ever: all of life's riddles are answered in the movies.

Up for Air Out of My Bloggy Silence

My recent bloggy silence is due both to the trip from Urban Home City to Grad City with OPL and the fact that I am totally lazy and given half a chance to do nothing, I will happily do just that. I've been lazing around and taking naps and staying up till all hours and generally not behaving like a person who needs to prepare for a defense and pack her whole apartment in boxes. I've basically ignored the dissertation and the job and everything for -- oh, the whole of July. I totally suck. How is one to have a balanced life of work and the love stuff? I just don't know.

But now the oncoming train of the defense is bearing down on me. I'm supposed to present some opening remarks about my work. I have no idea what to say that I haven't said to these people a hundred times before. I think they want some kind of statement about what writing the dissertation meant to me or something. Waaaaa. Any of you readers who have done this want to pipe in? Please?! (Poor Peppy Advisor. The first time we went over it, I think I was in the first blush of loveydoveyness.)

There is an admittedly short list of things remaining on my diss: some citations to be unearthed from the deep, filling in the work cited, reformatting. Have I done these? No. I figure that my committee will give me some feedback at defense time, and I'll have to go ahead and revise anyway. But really, it's just that it's been hard to connect back into my work. I love it and reference it, but trying to get my head clear to do the work that would make me feel so much better and less desperate and clingy about OPL has been very difficult. All the same, he is very supportive. But mostly I just want to follow him around like a puppy dog. Why is that??? I'm a strong capable independent feminist! Darn it!

Anyway, he has to go back to Urban Home State to do some family and organizational stuff soon, so I'm sure I'll be trying to work through the fog of missing him. Sigh. Here's something that my great Similarly Self-Reflective and Fabulous Friend said to me early on: being happy is really hard because you're so afraid you're going to lose it. Wise woman. I think I should get back to work. Some small tune-ups to the diss and maybe some freewriting on the diss so I have some kind of something to work from for the defense opening remarks. OY!

Beauty Blogging

I've just had the most magical weekend of my life where everything was perfect. Absolutely perfect. Scary what-the-hell-is-going-on and what-did-we-ever-do-to-deserve-so-much-happiness perfect. One of the things that OPL has reminded me of is how much I used to love to take pictures. It turns out he saved all these pictures from the Dark Ages when we were together the first time -- not only pictures of places we went, but beautiful pictures of him showing him so young and very much in love. Now I have two of them in my purse. And I look so soft and vulnerable and young. So different from the cynical absurdist I put on like armor.

Anyway, we went traveling all around this weekend and went to some beautiful places and took many pictures. I've decided all y'all need more beauty, so here are a few shots of flowers and other beautiful stuff.

Insomnia, A Dissertator-in-Love's Best Friend

So I'm all crazy happy and everything, but apparently that doesn't mean anything for insomnia. (We did plan on ten hours of sleep, however, and my body clock is probably off anyway.) So I slept for a good four or five hours, then I was awake and much more clear-headed than I usually am when insomniacal (new word) and -- get this -- I worked! So I'm deep into Chapter 4, the one that really needs a lot of work. And I had gotten work done on the plane.

You know, I had thought that this love thing was going to be all disruptive to work management, but actually I feel so clear-headed and good and like I can do anything that work is actually pretty easy. My father always said that the right person made life easier not harder -- but I'd never experienced until now. I thought he was a crazy romantic. Now I see I was just a cynic. Very odd.

How Do We Get Things Done?

We blog it!

So tomorrow before the sun comes up, I drive to Nearest Urban City and get on a plane for Urban Home City. I know. You're asking: didn't she just come back from Cool Institute? Wasn't she on a plane, like, the day before yesterday? The answer is yes. My family wanted to see me, and it seemed like these couple weeks before the defense would be the best time. Of course because of much tumult of late, I'm not as far on my diss revisions as I had hoped to be. (I had hoped to be done by now.) But it's been pretty good tumult, the kind that opens up possibilities and makes me see life in a new brighter way. I know I've been cagey about all this, putting posts up and taking them down. Not posting for days at a time. The fact is I'm in love. No one is more surprised than I am. How does one work and be happy at the same time? Also, this love is complicated, and so there have been wild ups and downs. But I'm going to Urban Home City, which means I get to see him. So life is good.

I have tons to do today, and I need focus rather than daydreaming. And that's where the blogoverse comes in. I offer you my to-do list.

1. Pick up signed defense application and take it to Grad Studies.
2. Pay rent.
3. Get some diss work done on Chapter 4?
4. Do a big pile of service for Professional Organization.
5. Take big pile of completed service to office.
   
6. Call new victim of PO to hand over responsibilities.
7. Leave check for catsitter.
8. Return books to Senior Scholar.
9. Do laundry.
10. Pack.
11. Find missing book for Intro.
12. Cat food?
13. Shopping for pretty clothes?
    

See? I'm so disorganized I can't even group things together. Okay, 1, 5, and 8 require going to school. Before I can do 5, I must do 4, which I can do at home. 2, 12, and 13 are basically errands by another name. And then 6 needs to be done before it gets too late. 7, 9, and 10 I can do tonight. 3 is so unlikely it's laughable. So in order this time:

1. Do big pile of service work.
2. Go to school: a) deal with paperwork; b) deal with service work; c) return books to SS.
3. Run errands: a) pay rent; b) buy catfood; c) go shopping for pretty clothes since now I want to be all pretty.
4. Home stuff: a) do laundry; b) pack; c) leave check for Mr. Tabby's loveslave; d) try to get some work done; e) find missing book for intro (in car???).

Okay, now that's a list. See? I am the most boring blogger ever. But this is really useful to me.

By the way, Maude Lebowski is going great guns on her dissertation! The Boice book really helped her, and she's been pounding the work out! Wooohooo! Thanks again to Dr. Four Eyes, who recommended it.

***Update 5:45pm***

Woo. I'm tired. Which is good, because I have to go to sleep early so I can wake up early. Bah! But at least this time tomorrow I'll be in Urban Home City. . .from which I make no promises to blog.

So I managed everything but finding the book, working, laundry, and packing. That's what the evening is for. But first I'm going to dinner with Similarly Reflective Fabulous Friend. That will be great.

Back to Blogging

My world is very odd -- an absurdist paradise, with the emphasis, for a change, on paradise. It seems a zillion years since I blogged. Things have changed. My perspective on my future has changed. I mean, I'm still going to Adventure U and everything, but the world seems to have opened up and bloomed. I'm happy. My friends don't recognize me. Will I ever be my old snarky self again? Who will want to read my blog if I'm not Snarky English!

Anyway, enough of that. Obsessed with the blooming of my life and future, I haven't been working much. But I hope all that has changed. Yesterday while sitting on my porch having my third cigarette of five, I had an epiphany about Gnarley Problem. So last night I started freewriting on it, in my usual way. Today, I really should go and pick up a book from the library. I know I'm doing more than I need to for this particular problem, but since I have a sense, I think, of what Reader 2 wants, I really want to take the opportunity to think and write and explore. For a couple hours. Tops. More later, I think.