Wednesday, May 23, 2007

What Happens to the Voice When the Body Is in Pain: A Kvetch Session and Resolution

I'm absolutely determined that tomorrow will be a better day than this one was. Sometimes you've got to blog the kvetching and sometimes the blessings. This one is a little bit of both. Here are reasons to cheer that this day is almost over (well, I have to give the cat both his pill and his ear paste, so there's still potential excitement before I waddle off to bed):

  1. I don't have to go to the nurse and jog in place for a couple minutes, gasping and sputtering about how I don't know how my fabulous friend just managed to run the half-marathon.
  2. I don't have to pee in a cup. Maybe this is TMI and not appropriate for an academish blog, but hey, you're over at my house now! You can leave if you want to. I have this totally shy bladder. She just won't go on demand. I've always been like this. Doesn't matter if I drink liters of water. And in the lab they have this bathroom where you can hear people on all sides! Totally no go. So tomorrow, I won't have to wait while they test the dribbles to see if there's enough there.
  3. I have no appointments at any time tomorrow -- not in the unreasonable morning or in the more reasonable anytime. This is good. Very good. Because it means that if I can't sleep because my blasted back (!!!!) hurts all night again and I can't get in a good position, then at least I can doze throughout the day.
  4. I have food in my house. This is most excellent because I found out how full of hate I was today as the result of ongoing pain, low blood sugar, and lack of sleep. I really cannot deal with anyone. After chatting with a colleague for a while, I had this incredible sensation of claustrophobia. I must get out. A day off from being in that place where there are still people who are all excited and passionate about what's going on there will be very good for me. (By this, I of course mean Grad City U. Would you believe Summer School is already in session???) (Also, I don't want to run into anyone, except Similarly Self-Reflective Fab Friend. I just don't quite understand this; I thought with the dissertation stuff out of my hands I'd be generally happy again, able to enjoy the people here. But I just want to flee. Next best thing? Hide in my house. Excellent notion.)
  5. I got movies. Very good for hiding in the house.

There were good moments today, well, okay mixed. I learned that my mother is totally wonderful and she is totally going out of her way to do something for me ASAP because I'm so obviously crippled and falling apart. (Those were not her words. She said that I've been doing such good work and I shouldn't have to deal with extraneous stuff.) I also totally overreacted when SO did something annoying. I had this epiphany about the whole thing: I'm really lucky to have such good people in my life. Here's the bad part: I really should be gracious, because they are making my life so much easier. The really bad part: I am totally not being gracious at all. Rather, I've been spreading my foul mood over hill and dale and barking at people.

I am just a black cloud. A twisted crabbed old graduate student with a hurting back. I'd like to keep this post going because I've found a good position in this chair, a pillow sort of wedged in a good spot so my lower back is supported and doesn't hurt. But Mr.Tabby does need his meds. I guess there's no avoiding going to bed. (Aren't I an adult? Can't I not go to bed if I want to?) I really need to learn how to sleep on my back with my knees up.

Here are my resolutions:

  • I will work on the piece that I said I'd start for SS for at least ten minutes tomorrow.
  • I will stay in the house where other people are safe from my pain-induced and graduate student-induced evil.

1 comment:

Maude said...

i understand your pain, half-marathon not withstanding, i am an out of shape slug with new digestive issues and nasty ass headaches.

here's to us!! i miss you so incredibly much!