I'm running around like the proverbial chicken sans head -- except that my chicken is also crazy. Not only did I go over to WSF's house last night and help him move furniture and watch movies until 3am (and drink wine -- could that have anything to do with the smidgeon of headache over my right eye -- ya think?), but today I ran around, dealing with passport crap. I wouldn't considered it done exactly. Not until I have a renewed passport in my hot little hands. But the court-certified divorce decree and associated crap are on their way to Philadelphia. Cross your fingers (toes, eyes?) nothing bad happens. I triple-checked the Express envelope, but I'm still nervous.
Now I have a meeting with Ex-Advisor #1 from my backburner field. Am I just a mean-spirited person to think that E-A1 intends to beg off my Oral? And maybe my committee altogether? I just find it hard to believe that E-A1, who rarely comes to campus on Fridays, is giving up a Friday afternoon to shoot the shit with me. Well, whatever. Big steaks tonight with WSF and father. Do I have to be on my best behavior? I need a nap. There's just too much going on. Oh, and when I was on campus I got PA's notes on Chapter 4. So there are my weekend plans. I don't think this is going to be a couple hour job.
I'm a wretch who doesn't deserve to live. There was no begging off. There was in-depth discussion about my work. There was support, encouragement, publishing ideas, invitations to keep in touch post-graduation. I totally suck.
I do think that grad school or maybe it's the culture here at Grad City U (with the accolades always seeming to go to the same people -- no, not me) makes us grad students suspicious. On the other hand, I need to go against the grain and stop expecting the worst (though not in a cultish New Age-y The Secret kind of way): despite the fact that there are people at Grad City U who do seem to get everything as if there's some kind of magnetic attraction, there are also people there who believe in my work and believe in me. And I need to learn how to better see that and stop being so goddamned defensive and wary. Though maybe not before the defense. =p