Sunday, March 11, 2007

Post-Acceptance Jitters and Day of Sloth

So today is not going as planned. And since I have turned into the most boring blogger ever, I'm going to tell you about it. Blueberry pancakes have been rescheduled for way-too-early -in-the-morning (9AM during Spring Break Woo Hoo? more like spring break oy vey) tomorrow as a kind of send off. That I guess WSF is going to give to himself? Shouldn't I be sending him off with something? Well, he does have to make it up to me that he's going to deny me his presence for the rest of the month.

So instead of getting up and showering and being a person today (sans car, I might add), I've managed on this spring-forwarded day to make coffee and drag myself to my chair where I've spent the last who-knows-how-long reading blogs with my feet up.

But this is actually a huge step up. And here's why: last night, I sent an email to Adventure U saying I was accepting the offer. Then I crawled into the fetal position and stared at my books like a cornered dog. (Which of you is going to have to go? I wondered.) My shoulders were two big knots up around my ears. My jaw is still sore from apparently gritting my teeth, tension bulging out of my face. After what seemed like forever getting in touch with my deep inner panic, I decided that I really needed to do my Relaxing Yoga Tape and then have a cup of the Relaxing Tea a dear friend bought for me. (She thought that since I got the offer that I no longer needed such things! HA!) After yoga, I felt so centered and calm that I decided to forego the tea and just go to bed. (It was 2:30ish AM.) Obviously, I should have had the tea with a bourbon chaser, because I was tossing and turning until 4.

When WSF called this morning to cancel blueberry pancakes (I told him: now I have no reason even to get out of bed), he told me that jitters were normal and that this is why people smoke cigarettes and drink. Since I'm already up to three fancy cocktail cigarettes a day (I'm not a smoker) and have been drinking enough in the celebration that everyone keeps insisting I should do, I really want to see if blogging the anxiety works as well as blogging the lost but some of my worries are unbloggable. Suffice it to say, I'm having to remind myself that I'm adventurous. That I never did all the cool things I wanted to do when I was in my early twenties, so I'm doing them now in my more fretful thirties. And there are real-live responsible grown-ups with families and stuff who have done this before me, so my worries must be for nothing. I'm not backpacking alone through Uzbeckistan, for goodness sake! Get a hold of yourself Earnest!

Mmmm. Yes, I think blogging the anxiety does work. But now the question is: what do I do with the rest of the day? I had really planned on digesting blueberry heaven as my main occupation today, combining sloth with gluttony, my favorite. Working comes to mind as a possibility, but I think that if I'm going to get into any good work pattern this Spring Break WooHoo, I'm going to have to be slothful and disgusting today, so tomorrow I'll be itching to get back to work. I should only do things I like today. Just what are those things again?

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